February 5, 2001 16:49: COCKTAILS, eh? Who needs em? Certainly not yours truly You see, it was a particularly dull Saturday night, and I wanted to get out on the town.

Much as I love south east London, I must admit the thought of spending another night in the back of beyond followed, of course, by an hour waiting for a bus home didnt hold a massive appeal to me.

There were two options. One was join a selection of my rather more effeminate acquaintances on a cocktail session in the West End. And the other was to go for a more traditional pint of real ale in south London with my friend and associate, Agent Doyle.

Obviously the choice was hard, but at the end of the day, the pint of ale in south London is going to win every time. Even when Im off duty, it makes my skin crawl to pay the extortionate prices in these modern-day catacombs of Satan while making small-talk with an assortment of Londons corporate trendies.

"So hows the flat coming along Rupert?"

"Superb, Nigel. I was having a bit of trouble tracking down the correct ethnic artefacts for the front room, but Cressida has found a superb shop in Hoxton which sells statues in the shape of old Samarian gods made by the bare hands of African Pygmys!"

So, using an A to Z and a pin, we made tracks to the London Bridge area. My associate knew of a little backstreet pub about three minutes walk from the railway station, which is renowned for its real ale and its traditional dcor.

Sure enough, we soon found the pub located in Stoney Street, right next to the main market area. By all accounts, its popular with CAMRA, as well as locals and tourists.

Now, I wouldnt normally write about a pub out of the area like this, but for the Market Porter I had to make an exception. Thats because this is one of the most genuine, down-to-earth boozers I have visited in a long time.

I was immediately struck by the mixed crowd who were already enjoying the place. Young and old, male and female, local and foreign. It didnt seem to make a difference.

Dcor-wise, this is simple and traditional without having to try hard at all. Theres no pretence. Just a bar, bare wooden floors and furniture and some fantastic nooks and crannies to discover.

The service from the barmaid, and later the barman, was exceptionally good, and a man who I think must have been the landlord even bothered to make conversation about the beers he was putting on for the rest of February.

And thats the real winner for me. A constantly-changing selection of real beers, served immaculately by knowledgeable and caring staff. I tried various tipples while I was there, including the bizarrely named Piddle In The Snow a lethally strong pint of real beer, which still manages to be as smooth as silk.

I doubt youll find it there even now the range of guest ales is constantly changing and youre pretty-much guaranteed a change every time.

Another interesting fact about this pub is it is open from 6.30am to 8.30am from Monday to Friday for all of the market workers handy for an early pint.

We complemented our various pints with double shots of the house scotch (not bad at all) and a pack of cigarettes. Or rather, I did the smoking while Agent Doyle got his laughing gear around a particularly suspicious-looking spicy Pepperami.

As we got pleasantly hammered, it stuck me that good beer, cheap scotch, a nice pub and a friendly, down-to-earth crowd is the only cocktail youll ever need.

Next week its back to business in south east London.

PubSpy