TWO famous but desperate playwrights, Turai and Gal, are stuck on an ocean liner heading from Southampton for New York.

Feverishly trying to rehearse their latest show before reaching land, and opening night, they are constantly distracted by Adam, their delicate composer, who is attempting to end it all having overheard his lover, Natasha, confess her feelings to the leading man, Ivor.

Throw in an unorthodox waiter, Dvornichek, a mis-timed lifeboat drill and a tired old running gag involving a glass of brandy and soon you get get the drift that the crossing is going to be rough for both the cast and the audience.

It’s billed as a comedy, except that Rough Crossing, by Tom Stoppard, at the Theatre Royal in Bath, including music and lyrics by Andre Previn, is two hours of turgid nonsense.

The talented cast, John Partridge as playwright Turai; West End and Broadway rising star Charlie Stemp as Dvornichek; Issy van Randwyck as Natasha; Matthew Cottle as Gal; Rob Ostlere as Adam, and Simon Dutton as Ivor, do their level best but, in truth, the playscript is not really worthy of their efforts.

I spent more time admiring Colin Richmond’s two-storey art deco adaptation of a cruise ship and the costume design, than listening to the absurd action on stage.

There were lots of tired old cliches, such as Dvornichek staggering across deck numerous times carrying a tray with a glass of Cognac. You can only see it so many times before it becomes unfunny.

Rough Crossing is on tour at the Theatre Royal until Saturday, March 2. You can purchase tickets from the Box Office, contact 01225 448844 or book online at www.theatreroyal.org.uk, but I’d advise you to save your money and wait until something better comes along.

John Baker